Friday, December 3, 2010

Something I Had to Share...

Hide me
from me.
Fill these
holes with eyes
for mine are not
mine.  Hide
me head & need
for I am not good
so dead in life
so much time.
Be wing, and
shade my me
from my desire
to be
hooked fish.
That worm
looks sweet and
makes my me
blind.  And, too,
my heart hide
for I shall at
this rate it also
eat in time.

Stan Rice
from Some Lamb ~ 1975

I found this in Anne Rice's book, Queen of the Damned, at the beginning of Part III.  I like it.  So I thought I'd share it. :)

Happy Friday, I'm sure I'll be back later to think about more things  here.
Until then...

Because Sleep is Evading Me...

...I decided to write something rambly. :)

So, I did it again. I let myself forget about this. This which I love so much :) I'll probably never be an every day blogger though. You'd probably get sick of me if I was. Whoever YOU may be.

Since I was here last, I relized that I told a big fat lie. I said I would not go Black Friday shopping...but 5:45 AM found hubby and I, still in a turkey coma, in our local Wal-Mart lugging around this basketball thing that my kids (yes, even my daughter) all really wanted. I gotta say, I'm kind of excited too...I loved shooting hoops back in the day. :)

Basketball Thing
50% off :)

It is, of course, in a box...but the carts are not really equipped to hold a box of that size, especially in a crowd.  Speaking of the wasn't that bad this year.  Nobody was rude, quite the opposite actually.  I could see the strain on the faces of some of the workers, but they still managed to try to help answer my questions politely.  We got what we went for and a few other things and got out of there.  We stopped at one more place to pick up some Christmas lights and came home and took a nap.  Yes, we'll have to go shop again, but we put a dent in it and we proudly saved quite a bit of money. :)

Aside from all of that, even though the Christmas spirit is grabbing me...I have felt so sad lately and I don't know why.  I know that is the most pathetic sounding sentence ever lol, but that's ok. 

It's that kind of sadness that you feel um...
...yeah, right there.

It's kind of like Bella's hole in her chest, if you've ever read the Twilight books, New Moon in particular lol.  However, she knows the cause of her sadness.  I do not.  I have no clue actually.  I have been in a contemplative place lately, trying to figure out the cause of said sadness, and I have come up with nothing!  Most people would say, "Oh, it's just the holidays, everyone feels that way." and brush it off.  But, I have absolutely no reason to be sad about it being the holidays!  Yes, there are people in my life who are either far away or who have died in years gone by that I wish could be with me during the holidays.  But it's never made me sad before, so I'm not accepting "It's just the holidays" as my reason for not feeling very whole lately.  If anything, "the holidays" brings me out of it...I am SO EXCITED TO GET MY TREE lol.  And wrap presents.  And make cookies.  And drive around and look at more lights.  Cocoa and fires.  All of the Christmas movies I love watching with them.  The looks on their faces, all of them.  Yep, I LOVE the holidays.  So that's so not why I'm sad.  I'm not going to quit until I figure it out though.  I'm pretty sure that part of it is because I sleep crappily.  (Sorry, I saw "crappily" on a web forum the other day and there was a huge argument about it not being a word, so I am using it because it's a word to me!)  I have been working on the sleep thing by trying meditation.  I am not joking.  Not mediCATION, mediTATION.  I've never been able to "go there" before because my mind is a busy place lol, but I've found that lately, even when I am feeling rather chaotic, I'm able to shut out everything....sounds, thoughts, feelings...and just BE.  This is a little gift I give myself at night before I go to sleep, when my time is my own, and I think it has improved the quality of my sleep a little over the past few days. @ my dreams.  Talk about weird!  :)

The weird dreams can't possibly have anything to do with my choice of reading material before bed either.  I am re-reading the first six books of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, so that I may continue on with the six that followed.  I've read the first six before, but I stopped because I was at a very bad point in my life and they were getting under my skin.  I'm in a much better place now, sadness and all, and I'm ready to see how they play out.  But, reading these ones again (I'm halfway through Queen of the Damned...good book, horrible movie), makes me remember why they got under my skin to begin with lol. 

Anywho, I suppose I've rambled enough for now...again. 
I feel less sad already.  :)

If you read this, I thank you.
And I wish for you starry skies and vivid dreams.